The "Changed by Jesus" series features stories about how Jesus is working through the ministry of Mars Hill Church to change lives. If God has used Mars Hill to transform your life, email your story to testimony[at]marshillchurch.org. by James, Seattle My path to Jesus was slow. I grew up in a Christian family, and Christ was a frequent topic of conversation. My parents raised me and my sister as Christians but would not force baptism upon us. To their dismay, I rejected religion, God, and Christ when I was 15. I thought I didn’t need Christ and turned my back to him. Throughout college, I didn’t put much thought into atheism because I had spent so much time defending it. I defined myself through my intellect, drive, ability to persuade people, and athleticism. They were the pillars of my life, and at the time, they appeared to be strong. In December 2001, my pillars began to fracture. First, I was misdiagnosed with cancer, and the athletic abilities I took for granted faded away. In law school, my intelligence wasn’t anything special, and it took more effort to succeed than I’d ever imagined. Finally, I realized that I couldn’t make relationships work. In late in 2008, after a series of bad events, I called my then girlfriend and asked if we could start attending church. I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I was conceding that I wasn’t happy or content. I was admitting I had been living a lie. Initially, I hated Mars Hill because it caused an indescribable internal strife. I searched for trivial reasons not to attend. I became spiteful and angry. Something horrible inside of me was telling me to stop my search for Christ. I eventually told my girlfriend that I knew she wanted to have a serious relationship with a Christian, and it wasn’t me. I then ended our relationship. I was empty and devastated, and I truly believe that Christ compelled me to watch Mars Hill’s vodcasts. I told myself I was confirming that I didn’t need Christ or God and that I’d be happy alone. However, every night, through the vodcasts, I’d be confronted with my sins, and an internal battle would commence. It was as though Christ would sit next to me, tell me to listen to the message, and patiently and lovingly watch me struggle and resist. Finally, late one night, I submitted. I cried, struggled, and begged for forgiveness. I finally conceded that I desperately needed Christ in my life. At that moment, all my desires, where I wanted to be, the job I saw myself in, and the life I envisioned, simply faded, and I asked that Christ guide me. Afterwards, I realized I needed more than vodcasts. I needed a community. Simply listening to the message from the pulpit wasn’t enough. Finding a community wasn’t easy. I was convinced that the group I went to would realize that I’d lived as an atheist, would reject me, and tell me I didn’t belong. Instead, I found warm smiles and honest conversation. I’ve found people who care.