Admit it.  Some of us guys can’t help but see sex as the end-all, be-all of our existence. We may deny it – even rightly recognizing the flaw or sin in such a view – but it is how we frequently act. For married and single guys alike, sexual intimacy is generally placed on a pedestal situated somewhere between clothing and oxygen.

So what is a Christian man supposed to do about this? If God is the one who has allowed for us to be sexual, and sex was, for lack of a better term “invented” by Him, how then should that practically influence our attitude about it?

Last week, we talked about this with 6’5" Curt. This week, we meet another unmarried guy, Luke, 26, who is less intimidating height-wise. He was also more thoughtful and talkative than my pen could keep up with. Here it is:

You don’t have sex.  What are you, a monk?

Once upon a time it did feel much like being a monk.  Especially Monday morning at work when all the guys talk about their weekends of getting drunk and chasing tail.  And then the story-telling torch gets passed to me, and I get to tell them that I had a Bible study on Saturday and church on Sunday.  They kind of look at you like you’re an alien.  So yeah, it can kind of make one feel like an outcast.  And maybe I do feel like I am at a disadvantage, until I realize how lonely those guys are despite the alarming amount of action they are getting.

Do you want to have sex?

[We both laugh, realizing the unfortunate rendering of the question.]  So that’s what this is all about?  I’m flattered, but no.  Seriously though, sex is fun, yeah.  So I absolutely have the desire to have it.

Have you ever had sex?

Yes, I have.

What keeps you from slipping up again?

Because I have had sex I realize how much fun it is and that it does feel good.  But so do many other things.  Let’s be honest, hooking up has become a lot like a sport these days, and placing it on that level lowers the experience to something that can be trumped by any other physical activity.  Sex has been reduced to a “good feeling,” and I can go get good feelings a myriad of different ways that don’t have the laundry-list of emotional strings attached to them.

“Purity”: Cute Christian word, or does it actually mean something?

It’s one of those overused “Christian-ese” words that I try to avoid, the kind that flows too easily from the lips of TV preachers.  But it has good meaning.  It carries with it the idea of a thing that has yet to be defiled.  It’s an idea that a lot of us Christians are striving for and falling short of.  Sexually speaking though, it causes me to think of virginity which is something I can’t identify with.

What does the current culture tell you about dating and sex?

Society worships sex.  You hear it every day around the water cooler.  The world tends to take many good things and idolize them, in turn putting them into the category of evil.  Sex and dating are no exception.  Along with them are money, power and status.  But in many cases people seek these things almost exclusively to get sex, often making it the greatest of our idols.

In your own words, what does God say about dating and sex?

The Bible doesn’t mention dating, but the Song of Solomon does do a thorough job of outlining good practices for courtship.  Sex is mentioned, however, and is to be had explicitly between one man and one woman in the context of marriage.

[Sex] is meant to be this incredible bond shared between two people who spend their entire lives together, and whether the culture wants to admit it or not, you leave a part of yourself with that other person.  So when you go from partner to partner, an act committed with the intention of bringing closeness becomes an act which leaves you lonely and unsatisfied.  I know, because this was the place that I once found myself.

You’re in a relationship now.  What’s the trajectory?

I am currently in a serious relationship, and you could say that I am courting.  It has gone from getting to know each other to falling in love. …  We are not just dating for fun, although it is the most fun I have ever had with another person.

Does obeying Christ feel like a missed opportunity?  Like you’re passing on all the real fun?

Absolutely not.  I look at all my friends who are chasing tail and they certainly don’t look that happy.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that just having sex won’t fill the void in your life.  And I remember having one-night stands.  I remember using women.  I remember nothing about it being fulfilling or any less lonely.  All the things that I observed about having sex in or out of relationships before marriage are unappealing to me now.

What do you look forward to about marriage?

I’m looking forward to living with my best friend.  I’m legitimately anticipating what God will do with our relationship.

Manhood is one thing. Biblical manhood is another. We’ve been taking a long look at this over these last few weeks on the blog. Check out more teaching from pastors on biblical manhood and more stories of guys working to figure out what it means to be a man in Christ. Stay tuned in coming weeks as we shift to biblical womanhood.

Luke is a member of the Federal Way campus. He was interviewed and photographed by volunteers Joe ( Ballard ) and Charlie ( Shoreline ), respectively. Kelsey (Ballard) contributed the graphic art.