My city is filled with broken young women who have been devastated by young men. As a pastor, I have a front-row seat to the heart-wrenching carnage on a daily basis. Surprisingly, abuse often happens during the high school years through dad-sanctioned dating relationships. So many Christian dads pay so little attention to the young men their daughters date. Many of these same men will spend more time dutifully researching Consumer Reports for electronic gadget purchases or test-driving cars than they do investigating the boys who romantically pursue their daughters. They forfeit their responsibility and horrendously fail their precious daughters.

"With an intentional vagueness I warned him that, if he didn’t keep his word, 'things won’t go well for you, Pablo.'"

Kara and I carefully studied, prayed about, and thought through what dating should look like for our daughters. We had the proverbial needle to thread. We wanted them to enjoy the trifecta of big date events in high school: the Homecoming dance, Winter Ball, and prom. We also were painfully aware of the pressure in prematurely developing an exclusive relationship from our own experience together. Our solution was to allow our daughters to go on event dates at age 16. But boyfriends were allowed only on a case-by-case basis pending the maturity level of the young man and our daughter.

Papa Dave don't mess

Enter Pablo. He invited my oldest daughter, Lisa, to attend prom during her junior year. He was an impressive young man who did all the right things: He called in advance to seek my permission. He informed me of his plans in detail. I granted permission on the condition we meet in person before the date to discuss what I expected of him during the evening. Pablo was fully aware that this final interview could make or break the date, and he respectfully agreed. On the night of the dance, Pablo approached the door wearing a pressed suit and too much cologne, deftly hiding a bouquet of roses behind his back. I invited him in between coughs triggered by his aroma and asked Lisa and Kara to join us. When my daughter came in, she looked so stunning and so grown up, I had to fight off tears as I realized how rapidly this dreaded day had arrived.

We're not trying to make friends here

Dads must carefully consider the following as they shepherd their daughters through the minefield of romantic relationships:

1. Idolatry is a greater initial threat than sexual immorality for your daughter as she relates to boys. Spiritually and emotionally immature young women will always struggle to love Jesus more than a boyfriend when given the chance. And Jesus teaches us it is from the heart (the place of worship and idolatry) that immorality flows (Matthew 15:17-19);
2. It is most important that a young man respect you and fear the consequences of mistreating your daughter. You can’t be a buddy to your daughter’s boyfriend and her bodyguard simultaneously (1 Timothy 5:1-2); and,
3. An exclusive and serious relationship really can’t go anywhere profitable for your daughter until she is mature enough for marriage (Song of Solomon 3:5).

. I gathered myself and went to work on Pablo. I explained to him that I played three roles as Lisa’s dad: I was her pastor, her protector, and her provider. And if he was willing to accept a mission for this night only, I would deputize him to protect her. I made it clear I would gladly die to guard her from harm and expected him to do the same. His eyes widened while hers fell to the floor as she blushed. He nervously accepted my terms now aware of the seriousness of his responsibility. I prayed for them, and then, with an intentional vagueness warned him that, if he didn’t keep his word, "things won’t go well for you, Pablo." I thought my closing statement was most impressive. Kara thought it was over the top. But when Lisa returned home safely later that evening, she threw her arms around me, told me she loved me, and confirmed I had nailed my part. Dave Bruskas is the campus pastor in Albuquerque, and as of this summer will be heading up Campus Networks at Mars Hill. He's an exceedingly nice man when not sending his daughters on dates.