I'm preparing for an empty nest in my home. I have been preparing for this phase for 22 years. It is not that I was anticipating and longing to have my sons out of the house, quite the contrary. However, Jeannie and I know it is healthy and biblically faithful for children to leave home. God placed the first man, Adam, in the Garden of Eden "to work it and keep it" (Gen. 2:15, 24; Jer. 17:8; Matt 10:16–20). Men bring glory to God in their working (creating, inventing, designing, engineering, building) and in their keeping (protecting, defending, repairing, maintaining, providing, delivering and sustaining). I envisioned this ever-looming day when my sons were born. My task as a father was to prepare them to leave the home as healthy, God-fearing, disciplined, productive followers of Jesus. The Apostle Paul told his younger son in the faith, Timothy, "And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." My job as a father was to provide enough instruction and guidance and protection to envelop them as they left home for good with a calm peace in my heart. My approach to fathering them, however, changed as they matured. Their level of maturity determined what extent I inserted oversight, instruction and direction for my son. As our two boys grew into men who are now 22 and 18, I've journeyed through four basic styles of parenting depending on the situation, experience, and need of each son.

1. Commander

For younger sons with minimal experience, a father must employ a more structured approach while still urging responsibility and ownership toward the boy. In this phase, the father lovingly sets rules and a biblical foundation for life. The father guides the boy to gain basic competence and understanding and to take responsibility for his own actions. The father monitors and evaluates the son’s progress closely, and holds the son accountable for his actions. He employs predictable and consistent discipline when necessary to reinforce the attainment of foundational principles. Even though it is a structured phase, he provides an abundance of love, adoration and encouragement to the son.

2. Coach

When a son matures and increases in his ability to understand and fulfill goals, the father can provide a great deal of relational support while helping the son make wise decisions. My older son didn’t want to do his homework one evening. After exhausting all reasonable means, I told him he didn’t have to do his homework. He smiled widely. "But," I said, "If you don’t do your homework, you cannot play on the basketball team. It's your choice." He ran to his room and quickly completed his homework. In this phase, a father provides feedback and encouragement to help him make his own principle-based decisions.

3. Counselor

When the son’s maturity and abilities are reasonably well developed but still need motivation, this enabling phase is appropriate. The father should provide considerable support but not a great deal of specific direction. The father monitors responsibilities, encourages the son to make wise decisions, helps solve problems, and provides encouragement and support. His role is to counsel rather than control. When my son turned 17, I told him that I would let him "intern" as an 18-year-old. I explained that I would let him make his own decisions as an adult but that I held the right to veto his decisions any time I felt it would be for his own good. In my observation, he made only good decisions during that year.

4. Consultant

When a son displays maturity in his competence and development, a father implements a phase that empowers the son. The father makes himself available to review his son's goals and plans for life. He affirms decisions made by him, provides feedback for challenges, and continues to empower him to make his own decisions. If wrong actions are taken during this phase, the father examines why with the son: is it a skill or an experience issue (hands)? A knowledge issue (head)? A motivational or a gospel character issue (heart)? When my sons leave the house in 137 days (I am not really counting), I will revel in the grace of God (with a tear in my eye) and I will rejoice with them as they set out to prepare themselves toward working and keeping what God has called them to do and be for his glory. Eventually, I will get to watch them raise my grandchildren with the same principles I taught them as we journeyed through the four phases together.

"Be wise, my son and make my heart glad." Prov. 27:11

Scott Thomas is the president of Acts 29.