This is the last call for applications for the 2011–2012 Mars Hill internships. While the regular deadline has passed, we're offering a special final deadline of May 30 at midnight (Monday night) for current Mars Hill members. Read previously posted intern stories here. God, send me a Paul! Send me someone who will walk alongside me and coach me. Paul took Timothy under his wing. He loved him, taught him, and coached him. Where is my Paul?

"I recall asking my arresting officer if God would forgive me for all my sin. I felt the weight of my sin."

I found myself sitting in my dorm room praying this prayer my freshman year of college. I wanted to learn from someone who was in the next phase of life. I found myself praying this prayer over and over. I was thinking someone would come up to me and say, "Between my wife and kids, I have a lot of spare time on my hands and would like to disciple someone," or, "I have never met you, but God told me to disciple you." That never happened. Nine months before walking through the doors of Mars Hill, the door was being closed on me in the back of a police car, for the second time. Despite growing up in a Christian home and attending Christian school, I chose parties and alcohol. In my drunken haze, I recall asking my arresting officer if God would forgive me for all my sin. I felt the weight of my sin. I knew I needed Jesus. I knew all about him, but I didn't know him. Knowing about him isn’t enough to take away the burden of sin. I needed to personally know he took care of my sin and shame. My need to know Jesus led me to Seattle Pacific University and, ultimately, Mars Hill. The first Sunday I attended Mars Hill, I knew I wanted to be a part of this place. God was working here. After attending by myself for three months, I made the move to get plugged in and started serving on the Security Team. It was the first time I felt like I was a part of the church body. I loved it. I was in community, and felt like I had finally come to a place I could be proud of. But I was still fake. I pretended like I had my life together, like I had arrived, made it. I gave the right answers. I made myself look good. But inside I was a mess. Sin dominated my personal life. I built walls around areas of my life that were messy and kept everyone out.

"As soon as I made the move to serve, God met me there."

Near the end of my sophomore year, I noticed that part of my business degree at SPU required that I take on an internship. Since I loved serving Mars Hill, I approached Pastor Kyle and Deacon Brandon and asked about campus internships. They gave me the details and assured me I could get my business credits. As long as I got those credits, I was satisfied, so I agreed to an internship in the Operation Department and the Ballard campus under Brandon. Towards the end of my first day interning, Brandon sat me down and asked me more questions than I have ever been asked before. He asked about my idols. He asked me what sins I fell into most often. He went there. I had never been asked questions like that before. I was terrified. I was good at pretending to have it all together. But no one ever challenged me on it. Brandon was the first person to genuinely care enough to ask me where I was struggling. He didn’t overreact when I showed him my mess. He calmly walked with me through my junk. About three months into my internship, I realized Brandon was the "Paul" I had been praying for. He challenged me to become a better leader. He sat next to me when I suffered. He shared with me his own struggles. He hung out with me as a friend. I was a priority for him; he cared about me as a person. God answered my prayer from discipleship, but he didn’t send me a mentor while I sat around and waited. God didn’t meet me in my comfort zone. I had to do something. I had to get involved. I had to serve. As soon as I made the move to serve, God met me there.

"Instead of fixing me, my internship showed me how much I needed to be fixed, then pointed me to the Savior who could."

The internship wasn’t pretty. I was regularly taking out trash, cleaning the carpet in the auditorium, moving chairs, etc. I also managed the campus bookstore, so counting books and moving boxes was a regular occurrence. If I had seen this job description two years earlier, I would have never signed up. Even though the work wasn’t glorious, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. God used those simple, lowly jobs to bring me closer to him. By the end of my internship, I knew I was a completely different person. But the internship didn’t "fix" me. Neither Brandon nor the internship was a savior for me. Coming into it, I knew I was messed up. But by the end, I was broken and convinced I was even more messed up than I thought. Instead of fixing me, my internship showed me how much I needed to be fixed, then pointed me to the Savior who could. Immediately after my internship at Ballard ended, I started another internship for the Resurgence. About four months into that internship I ended up being hired. Today, I have the privilege to serve Mars Hill as a deacon. I also get to manage the bookstore at all the campuses of Mars Hill and serve as Pastor Justin Holcomb’s assistant. And I am still convinced I am messed up, but I now know to take my insufficiencies to Jesus. Although the road to this place looked nothing like how I envisioned it, God used my desire for discipleship to bring me to where I needed to be—completely aware of my dependence on him and grateful for his faithfulness. Ben DenHartog, above at right baptizing with Pastor James, is a deacon at the Ballard campus and on staff with the Resurgence.