From the January 15 sermon “New Marriage, Same Spouse,” preached by Pastor Mark Driscoll:

Pastor Mark Driscoll kicks off the Real Marriage campaign by sharing his and Grace’s marriage testimony, in which God has given them a new marriage with the same spouse. You don’t need a new spouse; you need to be a new spouse. You can have a new marriage with the same spouse; you can defeat Satan in your life and marriage by the blood of the Lamb (Rev. 12:11). Jesus died for sin so you can put your sin to death. Because of the blood of the Lamb, there’s a testimony. A biography is about me; a testimony is about Jesus. A biography is about what we do; a testimony is about what Jesus does. In a biography, we’re the hero; in a testimony, Jesus is the hero. What’s your testimony right now?

It’s a very serious matter to be married. It’s a very serious matter to be married as a Christian. And I knew this from reading the Bible, that Satan attacks families. What I find curious is that Satan didn’t even show up to attack Adam and Eve until they were married.
And for some of us, we have this naive notion that if we just get married, then our trials, and our troubles, and our temptations will go away. No, then our enemy will come, and the battle will, in fact, intensify.

As we go through this Real Marriage series, I’m going to ask you, and I’m going to ask you to ask your spouse, “What’s your secret?” Many couples have a secret, or many, many spouses have a secret, something they’ve not told you. And much of your marriage may be working around that secret; maybe sin you’ve committed or sin that’s committed against you.
You may be wondering, “How come we’re not close? “Why is it not working? Where is the joy? What happened to the friendship?” It may be that the secret has not yet been taken out of the dark and brought into the light. Let me say that you need to tell the truth, not in an angry, devastating way, but in a humble and repentant way. Do you have a secret? Or let me say it another way. What secret do you have? […]
When you tell your secret, you can say it in a way that brings life or death to the marriage. When you respond to hearing of the sins and struggles of your spouse, you can respond in a way that brings life and draws them near you or death and pushes them from you.

The truth is sometimes, when we’re dating, we’re playing a role like an actor or an actress, right, trying to appear as someone. And then once you’re married for a while, you figure out who you’re actually married to.
Well, now I knew my wife, and I knew what the root of our struggles was. Yes, I had bitterness. Yes, we’d had a secret. Yes, life was complicated. […] But the real problem was that my wife had been sinned against and that, as a result of that, anytime I would become angry, or irritated, or my voice would denote such an emotion, she would shut down and become very fearful, which makes absolutely perfect sense and is quite reasonable.
And it indicated why I knew that she loved me, and I knew that I loved her, and I knew that we wanted to be together, but it was so hard for us to have that real close intimacy that we felt was possible as Christians, and now I knew why.