From the January 29 sermon “Men and Marriage,” preached by Pastor Mark Driscoll: 

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Every covenant—including the new covenant of salvation—has a head, who is ultimately responsible for the covenant. The husband is the covenant head of a marriage; he is responsible for his marriage, his wife, and his kids. Similarly, Christ took that which was not his fault—our sin—and he made it his responsibility on the cross. He is our covenant head.

The essence of masculinity is the taking of responsibility. It doesn’t matter how much beer you can drink, or how much meat you can eat, or how loud you can belch. That does not make you a man. A monkey can do that. A gorilla can do it even better than you. That doesn’t make you a man. 

We live in a day where masculinity is defined by some sort of ridiculous machismo. Ultimately, masculinity is about taking responsibility. You may not be big. You may not be tough. You may not be able to win a thumb-wrestling match, let alone a cage fight. But if you take responsibility, you are a good head, and you are a masculine man.

I’ll give you some of the ways [covenant] is translated in various translations of the Bible. Sometimes it is called covenant love, loving-kindness, mercy, steadfast love, loyal devotion, loyal love, commitment, loyalty, or reliability. 

I love how The Jesus Storybook Bible says it. It’s a great kids’ Bible, and it uses this language for hesed to thread the themes of the stories of the Bible together, and it calls covenant love “a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” I read that to my kids, and I kiss them, and I say, “God loves you like that, and I love you like that.” Never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.

The first thing I need you men to understand is that you are the covenant head. And before we get into headship, I want to unpack covenant. And what this means is that your understanding of marriage has to be covenantal, not contractual. And if I had to break it down in its simplest form, I would articulate it this way. Contract is about me negotiating terms that benefit me. It’s selfish. Covenant is about me giving myself to you for your well-being. It’s servanthood. Covenant is about your benefit; contract is about my benefit.

Ladies, Jesus has to always be the most important man in your life, and your husband is the second most important man, but in this occasion, this woman has put the man above Jesus. And it came down to, “I’m going to obey Jesus or the man. I’m going to serve Jesus or the man. I’m going to draw near to Jesus or the man.” And she chose Jesus—no, she chose the man. And that’s idolatry, and that is turning the man into a lord, something that’s not fit for him.

The Bible says to offer our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto the Lord. So, what we offer our body to is an act of worship. That means that they are pagans, that their bed is a temple, and when they are together, it is a worship act to a demon god. It’s not just an alternative lifestyle. It’s deep. It’s deep sin. It’s deep rebellion.