This is our story of how Jesus Christ has completely turned our marriage and our lives around.
Giving Up on God and Giving In to Addiction
I was raised my whole life with knowing who Jesus was, what he had done, and how we as Christians are supposed to live. My parents did the best job they could to raise my brother, three sisters, and me, but at the age of 13 I began watching porn and having sex with multiple girls. I was 16 when we got the news that my father was going to be deported back to Russia. I didn’t see him for another two years. I eventually gave up on God and consciously decided to stop following him.
Things really started taking a turn for the worst: my porn addiction was getting to an all-time high, I was having lots of sex with copious amounts of women, and that’s when I believe sex really became my god. Whether it was porn or with women, whenever I felt sad, alone, or afraid—it was my drug of choice.
A Marriage Full of Lies
I met my wife, Megan, when I was 19, but my selfish desires continued to follow me all of the way to the marriage altar with her. I thought that because I was getting married, things would turn around. We were having lots of sex like young couples do, but something was missing. I never faced my sin and went to God for forgiveness. I never told Megan what I had done, and I started a marriage full of lies and deceit and a strong addiction to porn.
About a month after we got married, I was down in San Diego with the Navy when Megan called me and told me she was pregnant. As a 20-year-old, I was freaked out because I didn’t think this was supposed to happen this soon. I didn’t want to let go of my addictions, and so I had a one-night stand. I came back to Washington after Navy training, flew out to get Megan, and acted like nothing happened. Weeks went by and Megan started feeling the side effects of being pregnant and as a result lost the desire to have sex. That of course frustrated me so I went back to my old habits again, but this time it wasn’t enough.
I knew what the problem was, but I didn’t want to admit that it was my fault.
I got so frustrated that I went to my buddies on the ship and asked what they do in times like this, and the majority of them said: “Well sh—, if I’m not getting it at home, I’m getting from somewhere else.” And because I didn’t really have anyone else to look to for wisdom, I began telling myself the same thing. That’s how I lived out my first two and a half years of marriage.
My life was on a downward slippery slope. Megan and I pretty much stopped having sex altogether. I hated coming home because my home life was full of sin and not Jesus. And all this time I was blaming my own wife instead of myself. I thought I was doing everything right by working hard, provided for my family, and never abusing my wife. I knew what the problem was, but I didn’t want to admit that it was my fault. I didn’t want to feel the shame and guilt I knew I would feel if I told Megan.
Back in Church
A few months later in November 2011 while in the Navy and stationed on Naval Station Everett, I felt I needed something more solid in my life. I really wanted back what I had when I was kid, so we started looking for a church and we found Mars Hill Everett. It was there that I met Pastor Tim Quiring and things began to feel different. I knew I was living my life upside down and I needed to do something about it. Pastor Tim and I met a few times and I told him all the problems we were having. I wanted to stop living my life my way but I also didn’t want to admit to my own sin yet.
I was done, so done trying to take care of things on my own. I just wanted Jesus and nothing else.
Megan and I went on vacation back to Minnesota where she stayed back with her family for an extra two weeks and I came back to Washington. I knew I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation, but I did and I fell right back into my old habits. I was so sick of the crap I had done in my life and I just wanted it all to stop.
Time to Take Out the Trash
Megan came back, and that very next Sunday we went to Mars Hill. That was the Sunday that Pastor Mark was on the third sermon in the Real Marriage series: “Men and Marriage.” Megan and I were going over the “Taking Out the Trash” chapter before we went to bed and the whole time I had that heavy feeling in my gut. I went to the bathroom and I sat there and I told God that I’m going to live for him but I am not going to tell Megan, it was just never going to happen. Little did I know . . .
The next Sunday came, and we went to church, and the whole time it was like God was talking right to me. I was like “Man, I have to do this. I have to do what God commands. I have to listen and just trust in him for once. I need to do one right thing in my marriage.” As soon as the service was done, I went to Pastor Tim and told him that we needed to talk. I told him everything that I had done and that God was commanding me to confess to Megan. So we spent the next couple of days in prayer. I began reading the Bible and just putting all my trust in God. I was done, so done trying to take care of things on my own. I just wanted Jesus and nothing else.
I chose to try to take control but my sin ended up taking control of me.
That Friday, Pastor Tim and his wife, Anne, came over. We all sat and talked for a bit, went over the past couple sermons, and then he asked the both of us if we had any trash that we needed to empty. Megan said there were some things but that she wanted to talk to me. Then Pastor Tim just looked at me, and I started to spill my guts. I began sharing how it all started with a heavy porn addiction and then he asked if it stopped at porn and I said no. I then did what I think was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I dropped the biggest bomb in Megan’s lap. I didn’t go into extreme detail and didn’t give names but I told her when it started. I told her how many people there were and how many times. I felt disgusted, complete disgust. I was disgusted with myself but my sin as well. I was disgusted at what I had let control my life and how it hurt Megan. The betrayal in her eyes broke my heart and all of this was because I chose to try to take control, but my sin ended up taking control of me.
The Hard Work of Reconciliation
For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
When I read this I couldn’t stop crying. This is how my life felt for seven years. It took seven years for me to finally realize I was dead wrong and that this whole time I just needed Jesus. I told Megan I had no clue what was going to happen, but I trusted Jesus, and I knew that he knew what was going to happen.
On Sunday, Megan and I talked together for a couple of hours and then she came out and said, “I want this to work.” She started to tell me that when I was telling her everything I had done, she knew that she wanted to make it work, but she also wanted to make me hurt. She said she thought about [making up a story] that she too had cheated just so I could feel what she was feeling, but saw that I was already hurting and didn’t want to see me hurt anymore. That blew my mind that at that moment she was still able to show me grace and mercy. She then asked me then to hold her, and I just broke down into tears and held her.
Jesus is doing amazing things in my life. I wake up every day thinking all I want to do is praise and worship him.
After I stopped crying, which seemed like hours later, we both said that we wanted to give this to Jesus. We couldn’t do this on our own. We both needed to trust in him and start working on a new life.
The way that the Holy Spirit moved through us is a miracle in itself. The third night after I confessed to her, we were sleeping in the same bed again. I thought for sure I would never get to do that again. What we have together now is something we had never had in the two and a half years we’ve been married. Megan forgave me on Wednesday, March 28.
Jesus is doing amazing things in my life. I wake up every day thinking all I want to do is praise and worship him.
How has Jesus changed your life through Mars Hill? Let us know at stories@marshill.com.
